Death on My Own Terms?

A Question I Contemplate

As many here may know, there is a world-wide right-to-die movement that has been gaining momentum since the 1990’s. I have been following this movement since about 1991. At that time, I had a boyfriend/playmate who was much older than I named Stan. Stan was a leader in the Human Potential Movement and always on the leading edge of conscious evolution and social transformation. I admired him a lot. One day he pulled me over to his desk and pulled out a thin paperback book hidden in the back of the top drawer. The book was titled, Final Exit.

Then he shared a secret with me--he was gathering information and resources to bring about his own peaceful death…sometime in the future…..when he believed his time had come. Being only 50 at the time, I had not thought much about death or my own death. But the idea of having the right to decide when I’m done with this body appealed to me.

Since then, I have bought my own collection of books on the subject—books that tell where to get pills in Mexico, that detail the pros and cons of various methods….things like that. Most of the books I got in the 1990’s and early 2000’s are obsolete now—due to changes in laws and availability of various methods. So, I’ve tossed out those books.

But now that I am 83, I have started looking more seriously at the idea of self-deliverance, medical aid in dying, voluntary assisted dying, voluntary euthanasia, rational suicide (some of the terms being used these days). And I have acquired a new collection of books, videos, and films on the topic. I plan to make sure I have this option—even if I never use it.

This is a simple issue for me when I think of the right to die in general: I believe people over a certain age, if they are of sound mind and not depressed, should have the right to end their lives without having to have a terminal illness. [Currently, “medical aid in dying” (MAID) is legal in many states, but only for people who have been diagnosed with a terminal illness (6 months to live) by two medical doctors. So, I am excluding MAID in this blog. What I’m focused on is the issue of having the right to die in cases not involving a terminal diagnosis.]

But when I ask the personal question, “Would I choose rational suicide for myself?” the issue is not so simple. On the one hand, I would definitely feel less fear of death if I knew I had a reliable and peaceful way to avoid the suffering (for myself and others) of a slow, painful, dying process.

But there are pros and cons.

One value of mine that conflicts with the idea of leaving before nature take its course is my lifelong commitment to learning and development. The idealistic part of me says, If I end my life before my time is up, I would not be living out my karma; there will be a portion of this life that I miss out on; I will miss experiencing the full picture of “my life.”

My ideal way to die is: I would be fully conscious at the time of death and not in pain. Even more ideal would be that I had mastered (through meditation, contemplation, and psychedelics) the ability to leave my body at will---to just go “Poof!” I have already explored the portal between the two worlds of life and death, but I have no illusion that I could really do this at will—especially if I am in a weakened state in a body that is biologically programmed to survive. That would take a lot of consciousness horsepower! A lot of mind over matter. I don’t think I possess that.

Some friends have said, “If you do follow the self-deliverance path, you’ll miss an important rite of passage.” I reject this notion. I think I might be able to be more conscious and present at the time of death if I don’t wait until a time when my mind may be gone or my body may be riddled with disease or pain. I could do a better job of creating a ritual or sacred space for my exit if everything was in order and I had taken time with my people to say my goodbyes and hear their goodbyes. I have read many examples of “Living Funerals,” a gathering or ritual where the soon-to-be deceased person gets to witness the kind of eulogizing that usually occurs after one is dead. These going away parties can be deeply moving, comforting to the survivors, and a lot of fun—depending on how they are designed.

I sometimes look at this question from a political angle: My body, my choice! Similar to the pro-choice issue with respect to abortions, why should the medical profession, the legal system, and religion take away my freedom of choice in such an extremely personal area?

Sometimes I look at it from a socio-economic-ecology angle: Supporting the lives of an ever-increasing number of “people waiting to die” uses a very large share of the planet’s ecological and economic resources. Why should those of us who thoughtfully and rationally want to be allowed to peacefully exit be forced to stay here? Why can’t we be allowed to go, to make room for the younger generations whose lives might be improved if economic resources now used for sick care were freed up?

Options for Voluntary Exit

For those of you who don’t know much about this issue….there are several options that exist right now to insure a safe, humane, reliable, painless, and peaceful death. I am not talking about the many violent ways we hear about in the news—people shooting and hanging themselves or jumping off high places. These are not under consideration here…for obvious reasons--one being that they are traumatic to one’s survivors.

Voluntary stopping eating and drinking (VSED) is a reliable choice, but it is often not peaceful or painless. In the Native American tradition, tribal elders used to use this method sometimes. They would announce to the tribe, “It’s a good day to die.” And then they would walk off into the forest or the desert after saying their goodbyes. A decision like this was generally done after much prayer and contemplation.

There are barbiturates, opioids, lethal inorganic salts, and inert gases—all of which are painless in appropriate doses. But pills, powders, and liquids can be unreliable—sometimes because the body rejects them, but mainly because every body is different, so mistakes can be made in assessing the correct dosage. And all of these methods are illegal, unless administered by a medical doctor. Doctors who do deliver compassionate end-of-life care of this sort (without a terminal diagnosis) are at risk for losing their license to practice.

Some would-be final exiters cannot perform the necessary procedures for using the methods mentioned here, so they would need assistance from a trusted friend or loved one. But any friend who agrees to be involved might also be in legal trouble. I would never ask a friend to help me in this way. It’s just too much to ask of anyone….unless they plan to end their own life soon afterward.

There is one legal option for assisted suicide for non-terminal patients, and that is what is now called, “The Swiss Option.” There are a number of resources on the web that describe this option. There is also a book, distributed by the Final Exit Network, titled, Going to Switzerland: How to Plan Your Final Exit.

Switzerland is the only country that allows non-citizens to receive this kind of assistance legally. A medical professional has to be involved, so most doctors who offer this service want evidence that you are at least “a little sick.” They also do all sort of screening to make sure you are of sound mind. And there’s a lot of other paperwork involved, plus a price tag of $10,000 to $20,000, from what I hear. This does not include travel and lodging.

Resources

Some of the books I have are The Peaceful Pill Handbook and The Peaceful Pill e-Handbook. These are both distributed by an organization called, Exit International. Two other organizations that offer good resources in this area are A Better Exit and The Final Exit Network (FEN). I am a member of FEN. And I should mention Compassion and Choices. This organization is an advocacy group to foster acceptance and legislation to expand availability of the Medical Aid in Dying (MAID) option. I get their newsletter.

These organizations recommend many good films and videos, in addition to books, about the options I have mentioned. I am not including links for any of these resources because I think people looking into this need to have enough interest to do your own research. I am not trying to sell this idea to anyone.

In summary, at present, there is no legal way to end your life without a terminal diagnosis, short of going to Switzerland. All the methods mentioned here require you to administer the lethal substance or gas yourself. There are some legal ways to accept assistance from another person, but that person must not touch any of the paraphernalia used. You must do the act yourself. This could make the act impossible if you have severe tremors or other coordination problems.

Do’s and Don’ts

I want to end this with some things to consider if you are contemplating any of these options. Here’s a short list of do’s and don’ts:

•Do join Final Exit Network if you are serious about making a political stand for this type of freedom. The dues are $100US per year.

•Do make sure to consider your decision for many months, through many ups and downs of your life, before taking such an irreversible action.

•Don’t make this type of decision if you have a history of bad decision-making…or if you tend to be impulsive.

•Don’t expect any of this to be easy. There will be some medical and legal hoops to go through. Also, some methods of exit require that you learn some technical skills.

Final Words

I decided to include this topic as part of my Final Stage of Life blog series because I believe more people need to be talking about this option – as a political act. We need to erase the social stigma associated with rational self-deliverance and assisted dying. Plus, I fear too many of us are stuck in an old paradigm ruled by power structures like big pharma, religion, and the medical establishment. We limit our options to those given to us by often-irrational authorities.

When the time comes for me to decide what I wish to do, I don’t know which way I’ll go. Maybe I’ll take matters into my own hands. Maybe I’ll let nature take its course.

More will be revealed in time. But one thing I know for sure--I will not leave much life left on the table. I have lived this life to the fullest. And I will die with a grateful heart.

Upcoming Events

To register or get more information for any of these listings, send me an email expressing your interest to susancampbell99@gmail.com I will reply with instructions about how to complete your registration.

Getting Real 6-session webinar on Zoom (This will be the last time I offer this on Zoom.)

Dates: Begins January 16, 2025, noon-2pm PT, and continuing for 6 consecutive Thursdays at that time through February 20.

Cost: $375USD per person

In this workshop, we will learn and practice “the ten truth skills” together. You will learn how to:

• communicate with presence, authenticity, and spontaneity (even when you feel fear about it)

• relate more and control less

• spot all the subtle ways you and others “communicate to control”

• be aware of how you impact others

• repair rifts in trust and connection after a misunderstanding

• ask for what you want without being controlling

• heal past trauma and unprocessed pain

• communicate about difficult topics in ways that foster deep intimacy and trust

……and much more.

Getting Real in Person (This will be the last time I offer this workshop.)

Dates: May 10-11, 2025, 10am-5pm both days.

Cost: $395 per person

Location: Sebastopol, CA (50 minutes north of the Golden Gate Bridge).

What You Will Learn: See description for Getting Real on Zoom listed above, or go to my website

Free Webinar for December

My free webinar for December was cancelled and replaced by my podcast interview with Seth Dellinger, posted here on December 5. Some of you missed that notice of cancellation—which I posted here, but I understand that not everyone saw that. For that, I am very sorry.

My regular first-Tuesday monthly free webinars will resume January 7, 2025, 10-11amPT

The topic for January 7 will be “Why American Society Needs a Good Mediator: How to apply conflict resolution, mediation, and negotiation skills for navigating the complexities of today’s world.” I want to share and play with some models for healing interpersonal and inter-group conflicts that I have used over the years. I will guide the group in how to apply these principles in your own life. And there will be time for Q and A.

The recurring Zoom link to access all my free Tuesday webinars from now on is: Zoom link So, you can use this same link every time.

Meeting ID: 831 3944 4623

Passcode: 335461